This vessel. This body.
My God I love her.
Declaring this kind of truth is rare. It’s probably the reason why I share it and why it’s one of my favorite love stories, and because I didn’t always feel this way. Of course I loved her when she performed well, like growing and birthing my daughters but mostly...
I thought she let me down when she couldn’t run fast enough or jump high enough or move with more grace.
I criticized her curves for being too full, her hair too flat, her legs too short, her eyes too brown.
I hated her skin for being too bumpy and her heart for being too sensitive.
I thought she failed me completely when I got breast cancer.
I resented that She wasn’t strong enough to protect me when I needed her the most.
So, I checked out, I powered through and I disconnected.
And I was angry, I was angry at this body.
It took nearly losing her for me to realize what I had done.
It took having the most intimate parts of her cut away to see how completely perfect she was and notice how she showed up for me time and time again, doing her very best to give me everything I asked of her and everything I demanded from her despite my lack of appreciation for her.
So, when I say I wept at this realization, let me tell you, it was from deep in my bones, the core of my belly and the furthest chambers of my heart that I wept. I ached with grief and I begged for her forgiveness.
It was then that everything changed.
From this place new vows were made. I wrote them all down, a sacred contract containing agreements of love, grace, adoration and devotion. A deep appreciation for every bit of pleasure and pain that I get to experience in this life was born. It’s because of this vessel that I get to live and I began to really know myself, who I was underneath all the false stories I believed and the misguided expectations that had nothing to do with me.
I was laid bare and one by one I looked at the fractured parts of me, I reclaimed each story with love and compassion for doing the best I could and felt my strength for being able to hold all the truth within them to transform and fully own who I had become, my purpose was crystal clear, my truth unwavering, my voice intentional and I knew there was no going back.
One of the very first workshops I created as a women's embodiment coach was, The Bodylove Masterclass. Maybe because it’s February, the month of love that I’m feeling called to share it again or maybe just share this message with you now is because I know this to be true, you can not bypass the body.
We are taught to disconnect from our bodies at a young age, society, religion, beauty campaigns, fear, control, patriarchy and achievement. But this is the source of our truth and our power and this relationship must be mended for us to become whole and love is the thread that creates the bonds.
All the self help and mindset shifts won’t make up for a lack of self love and acceptance. If your body doesn’t feel like a safe place to “drop into” when connecting with your intuition or during meditation or breathwork, there may be something there for you that wants to be transformed.
When you do not fit into anyone else’s mold of perfection, not even your own, when you stop judging, that’s when you can see your full power and when you can really love all the parts of you that you shamed before… that is when you become unbound and unstoppable.
1:1 Bodylove and Mending Private Sessions available. Three spots open. Email love@lisamalia.co to begin.